Chapter One Eulogy – The End of the World
Mother, why have you left me ? Why did you care for me no more ? My mother, why did you say farewell to the world ? And abandoned all of us ? How could you bear to quit me ? How could you give up yourself ? On March 11 evening we’re still having a dinner together at about 5 :00 pm, and after the dinner, I addressed you with a tender call of “Muma”, as always. And you said, “you have been calling me very frequently, I know it very well”. And this is now the last word from you that I still can clearly remember. And afterwards I told you that the shoes you bought for me in the morning seemed a little too tight, and the coat you bought for me last winter looked a bit “rustic” and could only be wore in the village, but not in cities like Shanghai and Hangzhou. Then I went out for a jogging. But when I came back an hour later, when I ran to your bed chamber above, I couldn’t find you there. Since then we’re forever separated. And when my elder brother and I held your body still lukewarm, I cannot credit that all this was real and I have lost all of my sense and my head was as white as a paper, knowing not how to act. I have even forgotten to weep and to call mother. My world has completely tumbled, non existent and empty.
Mother Lost
Strangely enough, and incomprehensively, you seemed to show no pains, no tears, no struggles, very peaceful, and looked more like in sleep than death, but that was a helpless sleeping. Upon watching your gesture, how pitiful you’re ! Mother, you arranged your bed in good order, and there was nothing singular in your room. You closed the door of my bedchamber, in order to prevent the lugubrious air to enter into it, perhaps. You have made enough preparations before the last hours. Your body was very clean, just as always. You have always been very clean. At the age of 82, you have no senile plaques, no corporal smells peculiar to aged people. People here said your appearance has not changed over the last 20 years or so, and looked not like those of the 80 ‘s. Here many people can live upto 90, and my grand aunt is now 95 and still healthy. They said that you still can live a long year. Mother, you shall not thus go away !
Very often I will recall that dirge - pathetic, melodious, distant, deep, and primitive – at the first two nights. You laid by me quietly and that melody, adding the quietude of the middle night, made my mother more pitiful, solitary and miserable, who was laying there lifeless and helpless and who has labored hard her whole life while having never enjoyed the good fortune of her children. You were laying there silently, motionless and were unable to stand up, and were unable to speak to us forever and ever. Such a pitiful mother ! The dirge was traveling seemingly from the far and far remote cosmic space, or was traversing from a very distant ancient time, although in fact it was generated by player no more than 2 meters from me, and the sound was intermittent because of the bad quality and short of electricity of the player. This distant dirge has separated you from us at a huge gap in time and distance and by the two different worlds. The oil lamp which was flickering, was being extinguished just like the life of my mother.
Heavens, my mother has truly and truly passed out ! Could I believe that ? While you’re healthy, I was away from home village for more than 30 years, and when I came back just for a few years, you’re gone ! My pitiful mother, I can no more see you, no more hear your motherly voice.
An hour or two ago, you’re still my dear mother and now you’re my bygone mother ; while I was still calling you my Mami an hour or two ago, I can never awake you now ; It was a living body of yours an hour or two ago, but now there was no single sign of life in you.
You’re gone, quietly, all your four kids could not accompany you and say farewell to you. Your two sons and two daughters whom you have brought up, could not see you the last time. You were gone thus alone, you have created us four in vain. You must be crying, extremely painful and in despair before your last breath.
My lovingly mother, my hardy mom, your several decades of difficult times were gone, and now comes the good times, without worrying about food and clothing, and, with the care of your sons and daughters, with my endless calls of you, and with my entertainment and enjoyment with you. Your nephew, your grandson and your grand daughters are all demonstrating their honors of and respects towards you. But you are gone. Mother, you are really silly this way ! You even did give up your life. Mother! Why don’t you wait for a while – a few months, half a year, one or two years ? Wait a bit, my situation will soon be improved and you will smile soon.
Why ?
I have been pondering days and nights over caring for my mother; Because you can not adapt to the life outside the native village nor outside China, hence I turned from metropolises to big cities which are closer to you, from big cities to smaller ones which are still nearer to you and finally to my home village where I was born and where you’re currently living. I don’t want to say that this village is a bad one, but the people out there are indeed of low classes in general. I have also given up my overseas studies because otherwise I couldn’t take care of you. But all these are not the whole thing of the history, rather it was caused by my light mindedness in considerations of my career at those times. In other words, it was because I did not plan and execute my career correctly and carefully, not solely because of my caretaking of you. All can only contributed to my own faults, and incapacity or put it otherwise, it was a result of my misjudge of the China’s situation and its political development direction, because of my innumerous number of wrong strategies, decision and disorientation.
Mother, you’ve committed a great silly fault. Perhaps to rescue my career, or to prevent me from spending more time and money on your care (you might have been suspecting a non-existing severe illness), and by this thinking you terminated your life path.
Mother, you died of injustice ! It was me who has driven you to death ! You have been expecting me to have a happy life since long. You also relied on your son to enjoy your later life ! But upto now, you can not only unable to enjoy your life owing to your sons but you can also not foresee a day when your son will be leading a happy living. Your son is so genteel and with a handsome look, you can never imagine, why your son can not have a happy life, while many others, who are in many aspects inferior to your son, are having all their wives and kids (but even Newton was not married all his life and Einstein’s marriage was not happy at all!). You were thus extremely uncontended and you’re despaired !
“Serve the country when justice prevails, retreat otherwise”, this proverb has been my life philosophy ever since, but it is just this one which has driven me out of this decaying and reactionary society under communist rule (I actually planned a hermit life). Over the last decades, owing to the conflicts of my philosophy and value of life with the prevalent Chinese society under totalitarian ruling, it leads to the complete stagnation of my marriage and business. I live like a hermit, without solid and sufficient income. All universities and research organizations of the world have also shut up their doors to me, thus no chance of researches were given to me, although I am sure I am one of the brightest minds of modern world. Therefore, it is concluded that, it is not anything else which lead to my mother ‘s despair but my failure and tragedy in life and career. It is not caused by disregards of her children, not because of her dreams of ghosts in the middle nights, nor caused by her illnesses, none of them... My mother has committed suicide out of her overly worries, sorrows and long, long waiting and impatience for yet unforeseen waiting, and thus her psychological state came to a total collapse. Her worries have reached their climax, beyond the threshold of average persons, therefore she left us with a corrupted state of mind.
“Poor and low while there is justice, you are shameful, rich and noble when there is no justice, you are also shameful”, is an authentic picture of mine today. At the times when unprecedented darkness is prevailing over China’s sky in its 5000+ year history, only the most shameful and unrighteous people can live luxuriously and prosper themselves. Many times mother told me in tears that she could never figure out why her son so highly educated, righteous and handsome, lives so humbly – even not compatible with the farmers here. Here mother meant higher education my master degree. And if she knew that I once gained PhD admissions to some of the privileged universities in the world, and if she knew a little about my expertise and vast knowledge base, if she …, she will be much more unable to figure out her why questions and thus will no longer wish to live further. And now, what causes my current miserable life, and who? Any reader with a normal mind shall have drawn his conclusion by now.
I have long ago vowed to help my mother become the happiest mother of the human history (one of my classmates indeed has once told me that my mother was actually the happiest one), while I shall become the most obeisant son. You have once said that there is no single son who is so obeying to his mother in the entire world, so intimate to you as nowithout example. You said I have too much intimacy with you so that even my own career was compromised. And you think that it was you who caused all my troubles and ill fate. And you have been waiting for more than a decade and is now unable to continue so. Thus, you have no other choice than to leave us, giving up your own life for my career and life, expecting that such a sacrifice would clear the way of success ahead of me. You surmised that with your absence I am impelled to leave the home village and to expedite the world again (whereabouts I have been long ago) and to gain wealth and fame (which I have also managed too). In the past you gave me my life and now you gave up your own life in exchange of my future and you showed how great your love is towards your children. It is the most tragically events in human history ever
Mother, it is not that my failure and my inability that lead to the current living status, but my way of life which focuses on peace of mind, and if there are only meals on the table, why worrying about this and that? My true ideal life is to climb mountains everyday, to live a life of a flying birds and floating clouds, and then to stay together with you. I hate sky scrapers, where air is very stingy. While in Hangzhou for N years, I went to downtown very scarcely, and my only interest was to see the mountain hills and valleys. I am tired of cities and fond of the Nature and the rustic countryside, or forests, or seas. In one word, I long for freedom, simplicity, and purity. Therefore I have completely isolated myself from this society of China which now has the darkest pages in its 5000+ year’s written history. I live self esteemed and on one step nearly fancied to become a monk or a priest, but can I find a temple and a monk without corruption and prurience and a Christian church without selfishness, indifference, fraud and black-box operation?
You are always comparing me with others, and when you heard of a son of your sister friend becoming a division-level cadre in the navy, you were unhappy. You don’t know if I have been staying with the XXX ministry in BJ ever since I would be a much higher government official, or I could hold a similar high position at any of the consequent organizations I used to work, for those were all among the best of that time, and my income will be not less than his. More than 20 years ago I’ve already given up any idea of becoming a government related official – whatever the position may be – and especially in a despotic regime. It was my idea to deny the socalled “Government Officials First” system in China. I hate governments and their officials, and those sanctimonious communists officials, prostitutes and beasts with human clothes。At youth I was interested in patriotism but the communists tankers have crushed us into pieces before we could love our country, and since then I am no longer involved in any politics and live a life of socalled “hearing nothing from outdoors and reading only books in math”. Even if they pay me handsomely would I not venture into politics with as high position as a premiere, for in my eyes, a premiere is no different than a sex worker in its station and taste and I would only act as a premiere at spare time after mountaineering if that has to be the case and at my caprice as to how the premiership shall be run. Politicians particularly those in dictatorship governments, are scums hundreds times worse than those street prostitutes and thousands times more atrocious than those bandits, scoundrels and terrorists. Only the top scientists are the people I respect truly. You were also envy on others earning such and such, how could you forget the time of 20+ years ago when I was earning ten thousand a month? And a decade ago I was even refusing a million a year in Shanghai in order to enjoy a free and mountainous life in Hangzhou while keeping close to you? Over a decade ago I was having plenty of chances to become millionaire or even billionaire from solar industry and others, but I rejected these chances because I did not want to be involved too much in business and political everyday? Because if so I have to cope with the wicked people from the government and pay handsome contributes to them and thus I have also to support a totalitarian government which kill its people with tanks. You were always complaining about my not being married but the personal virtue and morale of mainland Chinese women are among the lowest in the world, and thus how can I find, in mainland China, a wife obeying to you and compatible with my criteria; where there is not any fair and virtuous women in the China at all? If you have plenty of money, they would be glad to stay with you a while, when you are penniless or old or sick or impotent, they will immediately fly off. Therefore I would prefer to find your daughter-in-law in another country later when it is the right time and opportunity. Who has the ability to win PhD candidacy from universities from the US, Canada, UK, Germany and France at the same time? Who has proficiencies in four or five languages while with three others with reasonable understanding? Who has written, in English, 200+ academic and other reports and books in less than 10 years? How many people are as lucky as me in this world? … Knowledge, money, position, all were accessible to me in the former days, the only choice was to reject them. GOD has been particularly favorable to me in the past and He has something great for me, most probably and He might not expect me to live idle and hopes me to undertake some responsibility of great nature – which responsibilities I am now aware, but surely not an accomplice of the communists bandits, only I have not such sensibility and willingness, just like my mother treated me especially kindly in hope of great expectation. Nevertheless, your son was quite successful and has earned you enough face value for you, at least in the earlier days of my career, perhaps up to 2005 or so. On other hand, money, ranks and women etc are only flying clouds, only human love is eternal, and only love is the reasons why humans shall still exist on the earth, otherwise how they differ from other animals? However many people consider China is in fact a beast world, that is another story.
The month (February) after the spring festival, I was very busy, and thus neglected your spiritual mood. The google email system was very unstable and so its other services such as google sites. Therefore I decided to move my websites to other free hosts. During the move I decided to merge the old and new personal sites into one, and also to update the contents in full scale. Because of the large amount of data and contents, it took me a good month to finalize the migration and updating and during that time period I was unable to pay sufficient attention to your changes of countenance. The update of sites and the compilation of lists of my academic writings were completed almost at the same time, one or two days before your decease. I was very much relaxed then, and thought that afterwards I can focus on business and the solution of living and other private issues. And then all your worries will be gone. How could I imagine such a fatal tragedy may happen just at that time?
Have you not considered any consequence of your decease? And how can your sacrifice bring in my happiness and success? Without you, are there any success and happiness in real sense at all? Was there not any alternatives to that fatal decision? By far not the case! There are many choices and many ways, and not necessary to leave home village. Many people are living here very happily without bothering to quit the village, why not us?
I Lost All Hopes
Mother, my unfortunate mother, I apologize for you! I can’t tell my bygone father. I cannot give you the happiness, and instead, I only cause you worries, distresses and shame! I have not given you honors, prestige, and I let your late life in sorrows and shames!
Mother, I have wanted you to enjoy your life with me! You shall wait for the amelioration of my life so that I can take care of you, and let you see your daughter-in-law, and your grandchildren! Why did you leave me without a little waiting? You are gone this way, I am now tagged as an unfilially son and I am now a heinous sinner!
Mother, with you my soul is also carried away. I have long ago told you, that if something happened to you, I myself can also not survive the attack. Did you forget that? Mother, did you not know how strongly I love you? Mother, were you not aware that how treasured your life is to me? I am so sorrowful that I would rather die myself. It is more sorrowful than death itself. Each time when I memorize you I feel dead and can no more survive. Without you, how can I survive this world? I can refute the whole world, but I cannot live without you!
And now I wash my face with tears, I sorrow from morning to night. My heart is paining to extremity and to death. I feel empty in my heart and have lost all motivation to live on the earth further. Each day I live like a blockhead without brains, live mechanically. And now, without love, with the selfless love gone, living has lost its meaning.
You’re gone, that attack to me is more fatal than the end of the world. That attack can be never sensed and understood by others, because you are my soul’s support, you are my spiritual support, you are all to my life, you are all. Without you, this world is meaningless to me. Without you, the world is nothing. With you gone, I am extremely lonely and helpless. I have become a solitary person, a person without soul – in one word, a moving corpse. And now I am a surplus person of this world.
Mother, after your farewell, this house is in terrible quietude like a miserable moon, silent, soundless – in one word, it has become a lifeless building or a tomb itself. My elder brother goes to work every day and takes care of his family, my elder and younger sisters are all stationed in Hangzhou, busying with their own family routines. They all were in the home village before and now they are gone to Hangzhou to enjoy their life. I, on contrary, was working and studying all across the country and the world in the past, and now came back empty pursed to my village. A scholar with rich knowledge and expertise is now far beyond his brother and sisters who have not much to boost of their education. Is this a circulation of fate or what?
I am a very calm, firm and extraordinary perseverant person (otherwise I shall have gone together with mother), and I am not touched with almost all events happening on the earth here and there if they don’t need my care. All are treated by me in extreme coolness. The only exception is with my mother. All my feeling, expectation, mission are confined to her. Therefore a man who never cries, even when he himself is under threat of life, is now passing his days in tears, ever since her decease, till now and most probably till my last minute. Wish Heavens hear my weeps and see my tears!
And now both father and mother are gone, my life and career are pronounced to be a total failure, regardless whatever I have achieved or may be achieving in the future – a Nobel price will be meaningless, earning all the money of the world is useless, sitting on the throne of an emperor is also not sharable with my parents. Of course, life has to continue, but how can all this compare with you? All the world together is far less important than you! In this world, I only treasure you, because only you are unique, all others can be recovered once gone. But mother, I call and cry thousands of time your name, think of you days and nights, yet you still do not come back!
Mother, I am Missing You
Mother, I miss you! Where are you? I am looking for you every day, I am crying over you all day long, but there is no trace of you. Mother, do you sleep well? Are you warmly clad? Do you eat enough? Mother, my dearest mother, I am longing for you deadly, I can’t do anything else than dreaming of you, since a couple of months, I am still dreaming of you, and my mind is full of you only. Although there are instances where I want to dry up my eyes and start to move on with my career and enterprises but once seated, I soon lose my enthusiasm and I can only stare at a distant like a Idiot and think nothing and doing nothing. If this is continuing, I will become a foul sooner or later.
I am missing you every minute, your image is always living in my mind. Every day, every hour, all what I am thinking is of you, you alone, except when I am using my computer.
Mother, I am missing you! I come to your bed every morning to bow to you and worship you, and I call the Heavens and Earth, I weep over you, but you never come back and respond to me. And now I am looking for you everywhere. All places in every corner at home are searched for, without any incidence of yours. Mother, I am becoming an orphan and a rejected person, how can you bear to do this? Earlier people all knew that I was obeisant to you and they all respected me, yet now I feel degraded in front of them and I fear to see them, in fear that my bad name as an un-obeisant son will be propagating.
A child with Mama is never lonely, this proverb has been accompanying me ever since while I was wandering about the world. Wherever I was I knew that in my home village, our mother was thinking about me all the minutes and I likewise have been missing her all the time. Whether there were plenty of friends or no single souls at my doors, I would not care for a bit, because unless my mother was there, I never felt lonely.
For the Happiness of my Mother
Mother, you might have not thought what means if you are gone, how important you are to me. You thought you were only like those local old women. You might thought that many old women at your age were already gone, some even much younger, therefore you said once that you’ve already outlived some years. In all, you wouldn’t think there will be any difference between you and other old women who died. But you haven’t realized that I am not an ordinary mortal, I am not an average man, but a man created by God for special purpose, therefore mother to me is different to others.
Mother, when I was a little babe you nurtured me, how hard it was! Then you fed me up, you gave me the best, while you yourself ate the worst, worn the oldest. Mother, you might not be aware, that I have struggled and waited for dozens of years in order to take care of you! Over the last three decades I have been always remembering you all the time, whether I was at university, at work or in my own labors. During the nights I very often dream of you, awaked weeping. Very often I felt worrisome if I didn’t see you for some days. I considered all the seconds lost if I was not with you at my side. And till three years ago I could not tolerate to see you being aged so quickly that I returned home to accompany you. This three year was the happiest and most valuable time of mine. In this world, what will be comparable with a mother alongside with me? Mother, I am desirous to take care of you at your old age, for this is my lifetime goal, just as others point their targets at becoming a ruler or a richest man of the world. Taking your care is my lifetime mission. Mother, I own you too much, I can only redeem and atone it for my lifetime. I want to give you the most glorious afterlife, in order to compensate for the loss of happiness when you’re alive.
It was only an transit plan for me to return home and I will go to another place sooner or later, therefore I have no intention to buy a house and find a wife here. Therefore after returning home, I am living in a temporary shabby house, and it was purchased by our forefathers some 200 years ago and never inhabited (it was rent out for a couple of years), but as a storage warehouse of my elder brother, and hence is called “empty house”. I have never dreamed of a day when I would move into this house, therefore I have just temporarily settled down here after some simplest renovation. This house might be one of the shabbiest among the village dwellers, but still I felt happier than living in an Imperial Palace. The days and nights with you, I was always very happy, I have never thought anything about some day when you might go away. From mornings to evenings, I have calling your name intermittently and every morning after stand up I felt very glad to see you, joyful like a bird. I was just like a kid in front of you, and you told me numerous times that I was still behaving like a kid of 3 years and a half only. Therefore I’ve never realized that you were gone so early and so abruptly. And extremely miserably! But you were fairly healthy at that time! It was not a problem to live up to 90 years old.
When you’re alive, if you have a little coughing, I will feel uneasy and will ask you why, if there was a bit noise in your room, I will come to you to ask for questions. If you have a little ailment, it will make me uneasy and will drive me mad, just like what you said, that I will make the earth quake and the mountains vibrate and make some great noise. When you’re having a fever, I will move to your room and slept there to take care of you. Every night I will come to you before your sleep, talk with you a while, in order for you to fall asleep easier and sounder. Over the last decades you have labored too hard, and from time to time you felt uncomfortable, therefore I strongly wish to have all your illnesses healed at your old age. I have told you many times that I need you to stay with us forever and ever.
Are there still Future?
And now I have no retreat. Is it so easy to make great success in the world now? Is it that simple to make a prosperous and decent return home? Where to go? Are there gold everywhere for me to pick up? All ravens are equally black. Housing prices and commodities prices are so astronomically high, how to pay them? Therefore once returned home there is little chance to get out of it. While you were still alive, the village was my home village, but now it is my past village. There is no spiritual support of mine, where I can go now to? Here I can still feel a little of your shadow, a trace of your past, while in a remote location I can only track you by my memory.
I am no fearful of death, especially to a person of no hope, in such a hopeless country. But I cannot die, otherwise all of my previous efforts and hard working will be bubbled out. Over the last decades I have made tremendous efforts, devoted high energy and paid much more efforts than average person, endured the hardship not common to others, and tolerated extraordinary solicitude, misunderstandings, discrimination and etc, and even the farmers in the weird village are denying me, accusing me and abusing me. I have tasted all sorts of human misery and hardship. My parents born me and brought me up laboriously, day by day and provided chances for my education in such an adverse environment. 20 years’ of their nurturing! And yet they have to worry about my future, my marriage and career, how can I not repay them? Therefore I can absolutely not chose this way. I cannot thus be ruined. Whatever the reason my mother is gone, I cannot follow her, otherwise our family is ruined. Whatever the hardship may be, I will continue en route.
I used to have gained some kind of success over the past and won praises and recognition from my friends and colleagues and I myself have managed some achievement beyond the capacity of ordinary people. Therefore my past was considered as fairly successful and brilliant. High ranks, handsome income and wealth were all at my hand. God originally has plan for me to undertake important responsibility, and he might put me in equal position with those kings, generals, and the most talented.
Originally there will be a new debutante this year, a new life. After a decade of efforts, I have completed writing of some 200+ pieces (over 40 000 pages) of academic, business and other reports, books, and surveys of various topics in English, German and Chinese. If only a few of them were published, I would be ranked among the top scientists and scholars of the contemporary world, and my position there will be consolidated forever (but of course now it is unnecessary after my mother’s decease, and on the other hand, I feel very bad towards the current academia which is cold, hypocritical and proud, even worse than the business world). As such my academic career is terminated or at least temporary suspended to leave way to commerce, as I reorient myself as a businessman rather than an academician or scholar. And next the focus will be on solving my financial problem, for in the last 10 years or so, my economic status has been worsened due to my concentration on studies and researches and thus many million dollar businesses were lost or given up. As far as a wife and kids are considered, they are nothing more than another side of the financial problem. On the other hand, while doing my researches I was also spending some time on business intermittently and only a single successful transaction will turn me a millionaire, for my business is in the area where single order amounts to dozens of millions of dollars of profit. I can safely say that I have all the necessary conditions for a re-successful man, the only problem is with the time, chance and a little more patience, which I have plenty of. And my “failure” is partly my own imagination or plan.
Therefore why shall I deny myself? No reasons at all. Even if my parents were not there, I still have to honor them, and let their life to continue in us. Therefore I have chosen live to death. Under whatever circumstances I have to survive, if only a day more, if only mechanically like a beast or many other people who live because they live. Because only if I live on the earth, I can compensate for the regret the my mother left us, otherwise her sacrifice is forever gone in vain. Whether it’s studies, business and day to day life, all have to be maintained at a minimum level.
Then how to continue my journey? There are several choices, one is to stay at home, continue to accompany my mother and live a normal farmer. But apparently this style of life is not what you would like to see and is also unable to realize my wish to commemorate you all the generations to come. Therefore I might have to do something useful, but how and if this is possible, is still unknown and I can only rely on heavens to give me a hint and answer.
Father has mandated you to his four offspring. We all despaired him and we all did not care for you as he expected and thus drove you to the last breath. We are all unworthy children.
Mother, you were the happiest mother of the world, and I was the happiest son, but your instant idea has made everything topside down: you became the unhappiest mother in the world while I was turned to the unhappiest son. And now there will be no joy whatsoever for me ever afterwards.
I only believe in science and truth, not superstition. When human is gone, is gone forever, nothing is left over, except the burnt bone, even that is not necessary her own, for the corruption of the crematorium
in China where mercy shall prevail over money plundering. Therefore I don’t believe in ghost and heaven. But I do wish that my mother is alive forever, at least she lives in our heart forever and ever. Her great sacrifice will be told and praised for generations and generations. We will commemorate her forever, till the end of the universe. Long Live Mother!
If there is a second life, I hope mother will allow me to be your son again.
Remarks:
This eulogy shall be written soon after my mother’s decease, but over the last months I was so grief-stricken that each time I picked up my pen or hit onto my keyboard, I will be weeping uninterruptedly so that I can’t write on at all. And now several months are over, and I have to finish a draft anyway, otherwise it will be too long time to remember the details. In addition, I will write a biography of my mother over the next years, perhaps bilingual. The bio will detail the death of my mother and her life of 82 years, in order to commemorate her great virtue and sacrifice. This bio will become the greatest eulogy and hymns of a mother in human history and will be read and memorized generations after generations. I will try my utmost efforts to realize this great project.
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